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From the possible to the impossible

This had to be written at some point…

You asked me what I saw in you when we finally met in person. Well, on that day, I was awfully nervous but at the same time I had the need to see you and to feel you, and I did it.

Now you might be asking yourself why, right?? I say, it’s the power of love, and let me tell you something, You were and still are my first and only of what I would consider real love. I would do anything for you, there were no limits. All that I needed was pure imagination and creativity to do something, even crazy things… and I would simply do it!

You were no ordinary girl, you were and still are the girl that I love, even though it is now impossible, it was once possible, it was just a matter of time until we could finally cherish each other in a matter of different ways.

I love your way to be, I love your way to act, I love the way you think. What else can I say… I love everything about you! You told me that you weren’t ready, I understood and respected that and I would have waited until you were prepared to have a new relationship but you threw it all away…

Don’t tell me that you didn’t feel anything for me or that all you felt was just friendship and affection, because that is a lie! I saw that warm glare in your eyes every time I looked at them, your face… it was different, you were happy, it’s as if you forgot all those problems that you have… and words, they are a very powerful weapon, and don’t tell me that all those things you said and all those things you wrote about us were just plain ordinary words, because they weren’t.

Now you are different, you have changed in a way that sometimes I don’t even know you anymore. I try to bring you back like you were before, but I fail every time I attempt to do it… you keep saying that nothing changed! There are times that I feel you are coming back, but it’s just temporary and it goes away after a couple of days or maybe in just a couple of hours.

Then, sometimes I start to cry… it’s as if something is missing in me… and you want to know what it is? It’s You, they real You, not the person you are now.

I really miss the way that you were before, it made me feel special, it made me feel different, it’s as if I was a complete new boy with a completely different mindset, not only towards you, but to everybody else around me.

Sometimes we have to grab Life by it’s throat and make it give us what we want it to give. That was what I was doing before you said that we had to stop. I know it hadn’t given me everything I wanted, but as I said before, it was just a matter of time before Life gave me the rest.

I hope one day you realize of what you just let go, all I wanted was for you to be mine so that I could make you feel the most special and happy girl in the whole world and I would, if you just gave me a chance to do so… but you preferred not to. This has yet to be explained…

There is a reason why we are not together and the only person that can fix my heart is you! Was it something that I said? Was it something that I did? Was it something that others told you about me? Lies, maybe? Was it because of my enemies? Only you can tell me what went wrong…

It hurts not to talk as we did before, it hurts not having that good morning message to wake me up with a smile and it hurts to know that you don’t want me anymore… The list can keep going but some things cannot be written and I don’t want to waste anymore of your time…

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“ This is for the broken hearted. I know how you feel. Empty, betrayed, and no happiness whatsoever. You don’t want to laugh, because you know it’s not going to help, but you don’t want to cry, because it will just make you feel worse. You feel like your heart is falling apart, but not only that, but you know soon your life is going to feel like it’s falling apart too. You don’t think it will ever end, and no matter what this person has done to you, it feels impossible to stop loving them. And everyone wonders why if they have hurt you so much, then why do you still love them. That’s the confusing part, you don’t know why, you just do, and the people who hurt you the most, and normally the ones you love the most. And then, after a few weeks, you finally feel a sense of relief, like you’re getting happy again, but you know inside that you’re just going into denial. And after a few more weeks, you’re back to where you were an empty soul and teary eyes. You thought you got over them, but really, you just stopped showing it. And you can’t help but to show it again. It leaves deep scars on your heart that are there forever. And no one understands how you feel, and how deep you are hurt, no matter who they are, because it hasn’t happened to them And even if it has, every broken heart is different. They don’t know the true pain you feel and carry each and everyday now, so you learn that basically you are alone with all this. And the feeling starts to overwhelm you, and suddenly you just break down, right there, because you know you’ve had enough, the tears just instantly start flowing, and you’re to the point where you don’t care who sees. Because you’ve spent so many nights lying awake in bed, and so many days being haunted by the scars and fear of rejection. And in the midst of all these tears, you know that its not helping any, and it’s not going to bring them back, if you ever even had them in the first place. After about a million tears have been cried, you finally pull yourself back together and keep going. Your throat starts to clench and your eyes burn with the tears you are trying to hold back. Everyone says, “It will be okay…” But you know it won’t. And that’s the truth, it won’t. And you look back on all of the hurt you had from this, and you realize that people are horrible. You’re still hurt, but you’ve learned to hide it so that everyone thinks you are okay. So now every time you see this person, you know you still love them, and you feel a slight tingle in your heart yearning for them to love you, screaming out, but for some reason they don’t hear it. And then you sit back and wonder how one person could have caused all of this… ”

“ Love? It’s kind of complicated, but I’ll tell you this the second you’re willing to make yourself miserable to make someone else happy, that’s love right there. ”